Identity

This post is part two in Monday morning truths: things I have to tell myself each Monday. This week’s truth is this:

My identity is in Christ, not in my work.

I have spent most of my life doing something other than pastoral ministry. I have had a variety of jobs and roles, and each time I felt in a very palpable way the reality of what I am about to write. I have needed to remind myself of this reality every week, regardless of the work that I have done: I am not what I do.

This is an acute problem in ministry for a number of reasons, but it isn’t a problem that is fundamentally different than any other person faces. The stay-at-home mom struggles with the reality that so much of her identity, her energy and her life go into the nature of her work. The successful business person finds an enormous amount of identity in their success, their work, and their influence. The person who is working in a job that the world would consider menial finds their identity in their work, or the way the world perceives their work. So, this isn’t a new struggle. It isn’t a struggle that is limited to ministry. But it is very real in ministry, and it is very dangerous.

There are a number of reasons this struggle for identity is so difficult in ministry. For one, in many contexts, even the way people refer to you adds fuel to the fire of the identity struggle. I never had anyone call me “maintenance guy Scott” or “plumber Scott;” but every week people call me “pastor Scott” with the very best of intentions, desiring to express respect for the office of elder and the work of ministry. When they do this, my soul distorts these good intentions and compresses it down to one, very untrue statement: my identity is in my work.

There are a ton of other reasons for this as well. Expectations, performance, the amount of hours you work per week in order to do the work well, the way people talk about you when you do well, the way people talk about you when you don’t do well, the expectations of others – all these things plus many more factor into how easy it becomes to conflate your identity and your work. But if I am going to be effective as a Christian, a husband, a father, or a pastor, I have to make an intentional decision go to war with the idea that I am what I do.

So, how do I do this? I have by no means perfected this. In fact, I have found most of this year to be a war for the sake of my own soul, with this issue of identity being at the very middle of the conflict. But, as I have talked to others, searched the Scriptures, and learned more about myself, here are some things that have been necessary:

1. Remember that I am not God – this hearkens back to last week’s post, but I simply have to start here. Whoever I may think I am, I can rest certain in the fact that I am no one’s Savior. I am an ambassador for the King, not the King Himself. When I start with this understanding, I have at least narrowed my identity struggle by one major one.

2. Remember the Gospel – I don’t save people; I was saved. I can’t help anyone without first realizing that I have been eternally, infinitely helped by Christ. I don’t serve in ministry in order to perpetuate a career, or entertain Christians, or placate traditions, or to simply oppose any of those things. I serve in ministry to see those who are not in Christ be exposed to the good news of the Gospel, and to help those who are in Christ learn to apply the Gospel to all areas of their lives. That is what I am called to do, not because I am a pastor, but because I am a Christian.

3. Remember to feed my own soul – it is sickeningly easy to spend my time studying the Scriptures just so that other people might grow in Christ. In the meantime, my own soul is being fed off stale spiritual crumbs. I simply have to study the Word for myself. There are lots of different opinions on this, and I have tried many different ways, but I personally have to spend time studying things that have nothing to do with what I am preaching on that week. I need to learn, and hear, and pray, and seek because that’s what I should do as an adopted Son of God. When I forget to do that, I forget who I am.

4. Remember where the off button on my phone is – this one has been more important than almost any other thing I have done so far. I am becoming more and more aware how very conditioned I have been to respond immediately to text messages, phone calls, social media messages and more. Sometimes, I need to turn the phone off. Sometimes, I need a break from social media. Sometimes, I need to not be home when people come looking for me. And, as a sub-point to this, I don’t have to apologize for any of those things, nor do I need to always offer an explanation for where I was and what I was doing when I didn’t respond to that message. I never realized how much of my identity struggle was connected to my always on-ness until just recently. I need to turn the phone off.

5. Remember to be transparent – I need to consistently bring to bear the reality of my own faults and shortcoming with other people. No pastor ought ever be put on a pedestal, no matter how successful. But there is a truth that resounds even deeper than that one: no pastor should try to put themselves on a pedestal. I need to act like a real human being, with real struggles, who really gets tired, who actually enjoys things other than just the Bible, who doesn’t spend all his free time deep in prayer, with the Bible in one hand and the membership roll in the other. I don’t say any of this to minimalize bible study (we just talked about that one), or prayer, or even membership rolls. But I have to be intentional to not polish an image of who I am that simply isn’t real. In so many ways, whether we mean to do it or not, that is the very essence of what it means to bear false witness. I need to be real, warts and all. I cannot sustain the pressure of ministry very long without that.

6. Remember that I need help – I am a sinner. I am a human. I need my soul to be cared for too. I need rest. I need to do things other than ministry. At the end of the day, all these point to another reality: I need help. And so do you. I can’t do any of this alone, and it’s unwise to try. I am just as needy as the people I am leading, and I have to remind myself of that. Otherwise, my ministry will not be fueled by grace; it will be fueled by performance, or works.

It’s a fight to remember who we are, isn’t it? Our culture has an “always on” mentality, in which we are supposed to always be working, or always be available, or always promote an image. But the Gospel frees us to reject these things and embrace the reality of who we really are. This is the fundamental fight on Monday morning. Whether we would ask it or not, our frustration in traffic, or our temper with coworkers (or kids, or spouses), or our despondency over how futile and unproductive everything feels, are all driven by the fact that we wake up every morning and ask one question: who am I? My prayer for me, and for you, is that we will learn how to answer this question the same way the Bible answers it.

I am a child of God. And that’s what matters most.